


Broken Brain

by arishe



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brain Damage, F/F, Happy Lexa, Kinda OOC characters, Sad Clarke, This fic will be the END OF ME, basically lexa's kind of high all the time and clarke's just depressed about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-08 09:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16426949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arishe/pseuds/arishe
Summary: Titus lied. She wasn’t dead yet. But taking out ALIE causes Lexa’s brain to malfunction. Clarke takes the news from a messenger and the world falls down around her.…When Lexa wakes up, she sees a pretty blonde staring back at her with concern. And when a laugh erupts from Lexa’s lips, the blonde gets distraught. And starts to cry.But she’s very pretty. Even though she’s sad she’s still very pretty. Lexa wants to make babies with her.…Lexa’s brain-damaged and likes to cuddle a certain blonde princess, and Clarke has to learn to deal with the repurcussions of it all.(canon-divergence. angst. or fluff. depends how you look at it.)





	1. Chapter 1

 

‘’W-what happened to her?’’ Clarke demands, voice stricken. As Lexa experimentally pulls her finger in and out of a candle’s fire. The messenger stares at the scene in the backdrop as well, until he finally sighs and turns back to Clarke. 

 

‘’There is no way to put this well…’’ he begins, clearing his throat. Behind them, Lexa’s gasping at the candles. They’re both trying to ignore her, but it’s hard when every two seconds or so a giggle of glee or a shriek would come from the Commander playing with fire.

 

God. The Commander of the 13 Clans. The Heda. Giggling at _candles_. 

 

Before, Clarke would’ve barely seen Lexa smile. She would’ve given everything to at least make Lexa smile once. Now? Now it’s like the lifetime of not-smiling Lexa had built up was unleashed every few seconds or so, in forms of giggles or grins or laughs. And she regrets all of it. 

 

Now, Clarke wished that she never made Lexa smile.

 

And it terrified her to see Lexa like that. Because it was so obvious that she was different now. So very damn different, because Clarke’s Lexa would barely give her a half-smile at her jokes, and now she was _laughing_ every few seconds _._ Her Lexa would have candles all around Polis but never touch them because if one fell it implied that even a flame can start an inferno, and _this_ Lexa was poking her fingers into the fire like she was oblivious to the hurt or the pain that flames brought. Clarke’s Lexa was serious, dedicated, and would sacrifice all for her people. This Lexa seemed to only care about candles and hugging walls and her ‘’blonde princess’’. 

 

Clarke’s Lexa wouldn’t call her princess or seem so confused. Wouldn’t babble or smile at her like she was some otherworldy angel. Wouldn’t do anything this Lexa was doing.

 

And that made her so irrevocably damaged. 

 

She didn’t need a doctor’s degree to see that. And it implied so much—because what would _they_ think to see her like that? Skaikru? Her people? _Lexa’s people?_ And an odd part of her, a tight ball in her heart felt _happy,_ for seeing Lexa happy—so carefree, without a burden on her shoulders as she skipped through Polis worry-free. It was like a jumble of emotions that was mixed together and thrown at her, and she didn’t even know what to think.  

 

‘’Just tell me.’’ Clarke says, stricken. _Please let it be temporary. Please._  

 

Then Lexa bumps into a wall. And giggles.

 

They both stare at her, but Lexa’s scolding the wall now. The messenger sighs quietly, and averts his eyes away from the slightly giggling Commander, who was dazedly slurring at the wall for bumping into her. ‘’Heda is brain-damaged. Forcibly removing the Commander’s Spirit has ravaged her mind. It—it is irreversable. I am sorry, Wanheda,’’ he says respectfully, before moving out. 

 

Her world feels to collapse.

 

There is so much to think about. Skaikru. The Coalition. Everyone else.

 

But her mind’s only on one. 

 

God. Lexa.

 

Slowly, after the messenger’s left, Lexa trots away from the candles and towards her. At the same time, Clarke hustles in a breath and tears her eyes towards Lexa, who’s clumsily bumping into the tables and the candles and mumbling apologies to each and every one of them. Clarke barely has the time to respond to that until Lexa stumbles up to her, and—

 

‘’Boop.’’ Lexa says, and pokes Clarke’s nose. Clarke blinks. 

 

_Wait. Did Lexa just boop me?_

 

‘’Lexa?’’ Clarke asks hoarsely, but there’s no recognition in that name. Lexa’s eyes flicker up to hers, uneasy and wide, like there’s a fog clouding her eyes despite it being so electrically _clear._  

 

‘’D-do you know me? Remember who I am?’’

 

Lexa blinks. She looks at her like she doesn’t even comprehend the question. And while Clarke’s heart swirls in a mix of _everything_ , Lexa bumps her nose again with a slight bit more hesitance. 

 

Clarke blinks again. ‘’Do you know who I am?’’ she beckons again, and Lexa still stares at her uncomprehendingly. ‘’Do you know who _you_ are? Lexa?’’ 

 

This time, it’s Lexa’s turn to blink. Looks at her in a mix of curiousity and confusion and intrigue. ‘’Who’s Lexa?’’ 

 

And the situation finally sinks in. 

 

Her arms move before her mind does, and before she knows it, she’s hugging Lexa and sobbing, and though Lexa seems a bit shocked and a stream confused at the action, she slowly hugs her back.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was weird. Lexa had woken up, feeling very dazed and slightly hurting and her mind all foggy. She doesn’t really _remember_ anything. But it didn’t matter because when she saw the pretty blonde her world lit up anyway.

 

‘’Princess,’’ she giggles at the girl, who blinks at her words. ‘’You’re a princess.’’ 

 

Princesses are pretty. And the pretty blonde is _very_ pretty. She giggles again, and shies her eyes away from the girl and bit down on her knuckles in her teeth. Because she’s a very pretty princess and Lexa thinks that she doesn’t know it somehow. 

 

The princess shudders in a breath and looks away. Which confuses Lexa. Because princess was a good term right? Said she was a good person and royal and pretty and everything. Pretty princesses. She’s a very pretty princess. 

 

But the princess doesn’t seem to like the term. Lexa’s brow furrows and shifts her knuckles in her mouth. Looks at the pretty blonde in confusion, who decidedly looks like she does not like being called a princess. ‘’Are you a princess?’’ 

 

‘’Sky princess,’’ she hears the princess says in her shuddering gasps. ‘’I-I’m a sky princess.’’ 

 

She feels a grin spread across her face. ‘’Skai princess,’’ she says, feels the unusual term in her mouth, and she hears the princess gasp again, sounding kinda like she’s going to cry. ‘’Too pretty not to be one,’’ she babbles out, and the girl gasps in another breath. And she feels a frown spread as quickly as the grin did, because the girl’s gasping and choking and almost crying at her words but _why?_ They were compliments, right?

 

That makes Lexa uneasy. Like she did something wrong. So she frowns again and looks at the girl. Her mind’s kinda foggy and far away but she grasps at the words she’s gonna say. ‘’You don’t want to be a princess?’’

 

‘’No—I mean, yeah,’’ the princess says, and Lexa feels a lot relieved. But she still feels the frown on her face because the princess is still kind-of crying and Lexa doesn’t like that. Because she feels bad for it and for the second time she feels like she’s done something wrong but she _hasn’t._

 

Right?

 

Her mind’s really foggy and so she squints her eyes at the the princess. ’’You’re sad,’’ Lexa frowns and gazes up at the princess. She touches the crown of the princess’ crying face because she’s sad and Lexa doesn’t like to see her sad. 

 

And the princess looks surprised at the touch and another choke overwhelms her. She reaches out to brush against Lexa’s arm, but stops herself with a sob. And it leaves Lexa thinking if she’s done something wrong again, while feeling vaguely disappointed that the princess didn’t touch her. 

 

So with a frown, shrinking her hand back as the princess stares at it, she asks the princess, swallowing with uncomfortableness: ‘’I-I did something wrong?’’  

 

Princess gasps out a choke _again_ and seems sadder than before. Her face’s all srunched up and Lexa feels an irresistable urge to poke her nose. ‘’No you haven’t. Haven’t done anything _wrong_ , Lexa,’’ and the princess’ lips almost seem to choke on the words, like she isn’t even talking to her anymore, even though she doesn’t know why. ‘’This isn’t your fault. It’s my fault. I’m so, so sorry Lexa. God I’m sorry…’’ 

 

That leaves Lexa sad and very very confused. Because the princess only seems to get sadder after that and it makes Lexa feel like she’s messed up. Messed up _bad._ And princess is apologising to _Lexa,_ but she’s distinctly sure that there’s only the princess and her in the room? Oh wait. That was her. 

 

But the way she says it doesn’t sound like she’s saying it to her. Like she’s saying it to a ghost or something far away. It makes her even more confused. And makes her upset that she’s confused. And gets her really frustrated too. 

 

But then, seeing the princess cry upset her a lot. And she wants to do something about it. So Lexa pulls the princess into a hug, and pats her back to stop her from crying. 

 

‘’Better now princess?’’ she asks aloud, and when she hears a choke she hugs her furiouser. Until she feels the nod on her shoulder, and she pulls away. Gazes at the princess expectantly.

 

Princess seems slightly saddened, but a lot less. Not crying or choking anymore. There’s a bit of longingness and sadness in her face, and then the princess attempts a smile, and the feeling soars Lexa into the galaxy. She likes it. The princess’ very _very_ pretty when smiling. 

 

’’Yeah. I’m a princess.’’ the princess says with a chuckle finally, and Lexa’s lip widens at her answer. ‘’B-but don’t call me that.’’ 

 

‘’I’m Clarke.’’ 

 

…

 

Clarke. Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke

 

Lexa will remember that name. 

 

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so lexa in this fic will be like brain-sucked!Tara from Buffy. it will be angsty but there will also be fluff. hopefully you liked this update and please GIVE ME IDEAS to continue it and i will write it. thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

Princess cries a lot.

 

Lexa doesn’t know why but she does. Sometimes sniffling and sometimes full blown sobbing.

 

She doesn’t know why and isn’t sure if she wants to know why. Because everytime Princess cried felt like it had something to do with her even though Princess said that it didn’t and that it wasn’t her fault. 

 

Lexa feels uncomfortable everytime she watches the princess sob. But she wants to make Princess—no, what was her name again?—Clarke. _Clarke_ happy. Because she’s pretty and pretty princesses like her shouldn’t cry. 

 

And it doesn’t look like princess—Clarke, _Clarke’s_ cried a lot before. Because her tears go and never end and it’s like dams that built up water over time and finally burst. Lexa asked her a few times about it, about the dams and if that’s why she cries a lot, but princess never really responds. Dam just seems to open more. 

 

And Lexa’s mind’s fuzzy and doesn’t tell her if Clarke has cried a lot before. But again, dams. Pretty sure it was because of that. 

 

Lexa wants to close the dams. But she doesn’t remember if you close them with sticks like beavers or with huge concrete walls. Her mind won’t tell her that and she’s really annoyed at it for not telling her but whenever she starts to scold it it’s fuzz again, like it’s mocking her. And she’s really annoyed with that.

 

But she likes to comfort the princess. It just doesn’t sit right with her if she doesn’t. Her mind’s foggy but she knows at least _that_ because the feeling twists and turns her stomach up and down. Even though she’s not sure why. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's shorter! if you want me to write it longer please leave more comments i would really really love it cause they give me inspiration. thanks

**Author's Note:**

> so i have no idea where this is going to go but i see a lot of clexa angst on the road. finished lexa's death episode and like... my friends and i talked about lexa kind of getting high and i need something else bc I HATE that she dies so this fic is born. 
> 
> idk if i should continue it or not but probably. thanks for reading!!


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